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Today we HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST, one of my favorite people, Danielle Rojas. She is a high-performance, self-empowerment coach and owns The Rojas Co, a self-empowerment coaching organization that provides small group coaching, 1:1 coaching and corporate presentations/workshops aimed at sharing the tools to connect women from where they feel stuck to finally living their most true and beautiful life.
In this episode you will learn:
Danielle: "well, first of all, I feel like just like there's no get rich quick, kind of like reality. There's also no like, get mentally healthy and get unlearn all the things that we've been socialized to learn about ourselves and how we show up in the world. That doesn't happen quickly either. So, um, a little bit about my background. I as we alluded to earlier, I have a toddler who's two and a half, and I can kind of trace back my self development journey and self empowerment journey to his birth. It was almost like this instant switch flipped for me, because I had been burning myself out and complaining about how tired I was and how unfair things were and how how much I like expected things to be different. I was just complaining, complaining all the time. And then in an instant, my time, my body, my career, everything stopped being in my quote unquote, control. I thought everything was in my control before and then I just like, which we all know it never was."
Danielle: "I thought that if I followed all the rules, that everything would turn out the way that I expected. And that one sentence is so problematic, because one, the rules are things that are either made up or fabricated by ourselves or by other people. They're not actually real. And so the rules that we think we're following are usually things that we've been socialized to believe and we agree reetou just through our own upbringing, and some of them are great and based on morality and based in on common humanity and are really like from a place of openness and compassion, and some of them are not. And we have to investigate that and decide with intention, which things we're going to continue to agree to and which things we're going to continue to follow and pursue. So one, I was following all these rules that I thought were just like, part required required for from me, and then I was expecting everything to happen based on me following those rules. I was expecting that if I worked a 16 hour week or 16 hour day, 60 hour week would be great. A 16 hour day for a year that I would get the promotion, or if I signed up for this was this was my schedule for a period of time. I worked 16 hour days, I took a painting class with my dad, I went to a spin Class Community College Spanish class I signed myself up for I said yes to absolutely anything that came across my my plate I was so overextended and lashing out at the people that I loved the most. And being like this perfect happy chipper person to the people who I was least vulnerable and least comfortable with. It was just a it was a mess."
Danielle: "Because to me, what empowerment means is taking ownership of what is rightfully the thought and the belief that you can take ownership of what is rightfully yours. I think that is like the actual definition. I can google it right now. And so when I think about self empowerment, it's the belief that you can create that within yourself. You're not dependent on anyone else. And the work that I do with my clients is focused on tools, tactics. I don't want my clients to come to me at the end of our working time and be like, I need you to keep going, like they I don't want them to be reliant on me in any way. Like my goal is that by the end of our time working together, if they want to continue to work with me, it's because we're up leveling from where they are. And, and so like everything that I do is based off of that mindset that like, I genuinely believe that every single human being is every single person that I work with, certainly, and certainly I know that that's probably not fair for me to generalize, but every person that I work with, every person deserves to feel empowered, that I can say with absolute certainty, every person deserves to feel like they have control of what is in their life. They certainly can't control the outcomes of everything, but they can control their mindset. They can control their effort, they can control their attitude, and there are so many forces that of course, are going to impact how that ultimately creates certain results for certain people. But if taking your circumstances that you're in Right now is too hard for you to bear without going immediately to blame and shame, then this is where the self empowerment work comes in."
Danielle: "you apply this lens of curiosity, and you operate from the present moment. Those are like the two main rules. It's like a plot, be curious, investigate, and operate from the present moment, like this exact moment in time because when we're using blame and shame, it usually means like blame is external shame is internal, right? But either way, we're not. We're discounting our own Our own ability to take ownership of the situation. So if I'm in situ, if I'm in a job in a role where I'm not getting promoted as quickly as I'd like, let's use that example. I can either shame and be like, God, I'm such an idiot, I'm just not good at this. I'm like, I suck. I'm the worst. Like, those are all ways that I'm identifying with negative thoughts that that keep me or validate why I'm not getting the results that I think I want or that I say I want or I can use blame and be like, God, my boss is such a jerk. Like, he doesn't let me like, he doesn't give me the opportunity to grow, and just the worst company, but in reality, it's sometimes it's just not the right timing. Sometimes there's things outside of your control. Sometimes there are things that are like environmental, and instead taking ownership and saying, alright, if I know I want to move into this role, what have I done to advocate for myself? Have I done all that? I think I can do there? Do I have the right competencies to do that? Do I know where to go get those resources. If I don't currently have them, and what is my plan look like if this route doesn't work out? Can I find an alternate route? And just get curious about it. And now you're not operating from blame or shame at all. And it comes down to like, what do I need to learn? Or what do I need to change within my environment to get the results that I am looking for?"
Danielle: "one that I really love from Bernie Brown is a mantra that she says, choose discomfort over resentment. And they think that this is something that a lot of folks struggle with, when they first start talking to me, they expect that their most aligned self will never feel uncomfortable. They always expect it to feel like it'll just feel like comfortable and just feel like you're, you're at home with yourself. And the reality is that discomfort is where you grow. So discomfort is actually perfectly healthy. It's part of evolution, it's part of adapting. You have to be able to move between discomfort and comfort in a way that sustains and is healthy for you without creating chronic stress. And so, so that's definitely part of the skills that we develop through my program is like, how do you balance discomfort with comfort? How do you restore and rest intentionally so that you can operate effectively in your discomfort zone or in your challenge zone. So that's a big one. And, and then again, just obsessive accountability, I always say, anything that you are frustrated with, change your language to, I am willing to put up with x. And if that doesn't feel right to you, then you know you have something you need to work on. Or say I'm allowing this into my life. And if that doesn't feel right to you, then you know you have something to work on. And then the work that we do is kind of going through how do you set those boundaries? How do you have those difficult conversations? How do you manage your stress cycle in a way that's healthy and productive without taking on, you know, your your whole day?"
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