Today’s guest is Ariel Boyle. She is a certified Life Coach and Weight Coach, as well as a certified Health Coach. She teaches women how to lose the weight for the last time without the restriction and deprivation that typically comes with traditional dieting. (OMG, right? Where has she been hiding from us??!!) Her weekly podcast Lose It & Leave It provides tips and strategies for losing the weight and leaving it behind for good. I love episode #3 where she talks about keeping promises to myself as being a practice -something that we have to keep doing it over and over until it becomes a habit - LOVE IT!
In this episode you will learn
Be sure to listen to the podcast for more in depth explanations - and to hear me talk about which kind of french fry is the perfect french fry.
I've been in a fairly serious committed relationship with french fries for over 30 years now. How can we shift our relationship with food?
Ariel: "I think it's really the missing piece that a lot of us have when we try to eat healthy or lose weight. We don't focus on the relationship we want with food and the relationship we currently have with food. And for most of us, we're just using willpower to avoid eating the foods that we like. And then we just kind of beat ourselves up when we give into eating those foods because we're using willpower. So I help my clients create this relationship with food that's less about food controlling them and more about them feeling empowered around food, because that's ultimately what we want. We want to be able to see food and not feel afraid or guilty or stressed out around it. So definitely the relationship with food is a huge piece having really that life that we want, when it comes to healthy eating."
Ariel: "I definitely have some tips on how to stop the shame cycle and why it's important to stop that. So if you think about it, stress eating makes total sense. Yet we shame ourselves like something's wrong with us. We're lazy. We're not motivated. Why can't I just eat healthy? But there's this concept called the motivational triad. I did not create it. I'm someone with like a PhD. He created it. And it's basically explains the motivation of why we take actions and we take actions to seek pleasure, avoid pain and be efficient. Those are like the three things our brain looks for when doing making any decision. And when you're experiencing the emotional pain of stress, you feel awful. That's why we want to avoid it with food. And food is efficient, and it feels good. So really, when you eat food when you're stressed, it makes total sense."
Ariel: "And that's a huge thing I actually teach my clients is to laugh at their brain because our brain does really weird things, and it tells us strange things. And our thoughts are not who we are. That's why you can notice what's going on in your head like, Oh, I'm hungry right now, you can tell that that thoughts going on in your head right now. So your thoughts are irrelevant to who you are as a person. So that's why it's important to laugh at what goes on in your brain because sometimes it tells you to do weird stuff. Like shame yourself, even though it's gonna make you more miserable."
Ariel: "So if you want french fries, you have to first kind of like explore how you want to enjoy french fries. Do you want to enjoy french fries all the time, truly. But in the moment, I'll like walk you through how if you're stressed out In the moment how to deal with wanting french fries just because you're stressed and how to not beat yourself up for just wanting the french fries. So let's say that you want french fries. And you don't want to just use willpower to kind of white knuckle it. And you don't want to shame yourself afterwards. Those are like two different aspects. So I'll go into the non shaming yourself first, and we can talk about willpower, like later. So if you don't want to shame yourself about the french fries, you have to make a commitment to making choices out of love and not beating yourself up. You will get to choose what thoughts you think even though we haven't practiced over most of our lifetimes choosing thoughts we want to think you can be intentional about the thoughts you choose to think so. The key is notice When you start beating yourself up for say it's while you're eating the french fries before you even the french fries after eating your french fries, if you notice that mean girl in your head saying, Oh, there you go again, you not knew this was going to happen. I can't believe you went for the french fries again. I thought we talked about this. You have to just pause and say stop to yourself. Make a decision. I do not tolerate bullies in my life anymore. I'm a full grown adult. No one will bully me. Especially my own self."
Ariel: "And if you don't want to use french fries in a moment of stress in some situation, and you did it, just take the opportunity to look back and decide, okay, that happened. I didn't want that to happen. So let's just explore with curiosity. Why didn't I like what happened? Was it because I think I shouldn't have french fries, because I had this idea that it's bad, or is it because I'm disappointed that I used food instead of just sitting with the stress and by approaching it. With this, like, third person curiosity, you can decide, okay, well, this is something I'm going to learn from. And again, it has nothing to do with me. So what would I do differently if this happened again? When I eat the french fries, because actually I decide that I do love french fries and it's okay. Or do I decide that next time I want to just sit with the stress and be stressed because the french fries didn't make me feel so good last time."
Be sure to check out the entire podcast, because the quotes above are just a fraction of what we discussed. Ariel shared so much!
Connect with the amazing Ariel Boyle:
Check out her Lose It + Leave It Podcast
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